Once a beggar got Rs.100/-
He decided to have a Royal Dinner that night…
He went to a 5 star hotel… ordered …food one after the other…
When the bill came…It was of Rs.3000/-
The beggar told Manager that he did not have any money….
The Manager handed him over to the police…
The beggar gave Rs.100/- to Police and set himself free….
Pathan: Wo jo table pe aadmi baitha hai us se hamara dushmani hai.
Dost: Table pe to 4 aadmi hain.
Khan: Wo jiski muchhein hain.
Dost: Muchhein to sub ki hain.
Khan: Wo jis k safed kapre hain.
Dost: Wo to sub ke safed hain
Khan ne gusse mein pistol nikala aur 3 aadmion ko maar kar bola.
Wo jo reh gaya hai usko hum nahi chhorega.
Santa news paper padh raha tha
Santa-Ye kya U.P. ko 4 hisso me kr diya jayega?
Banta-Bhai jis ghar me aurat ki chalti hai,waha yahi hota hai.
Teacher-giv eng trnslation of
“BAZAAR MAI GOLIYAN CHAL RHI HAIN”.
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Stu-”The TABLETS are WALKING in the market”.:*8-):*
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away, sardar ran to catch the donkey.
Zebra
He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, ‘Sala tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.
Teacher asked to a student,”Rony if 2 & 2 makes four how is 4 & 4 ?”
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Student replied, “This is not fair teacher, you always do the easy ones and leave the hard ones for me.”
Wife ko begum kyon kehte hai?
Ans: Kyonki shadi ke baad sare gum to husband
se hisse mein aate hai,
aur biwi Be-Gum ho jai Hai!!!
Chuhe ke bacche khel rahe the . Tabhi billi aai to ek chuhe ka baccha jor se bola,”bhon..bhon..” Yah sunkar billi bhag gaye .
Yah dekh chota chuha doosre se bola,”Dekha do language sikhne ka faydaa yahi hota hai.”
Lion ne ek buddhe ko pakad liya.
Buddha :- Mera khoon to thanda ho chuka hai kisi jawan ka taza garam khoon piyo.
Lion :- Koi baat nahi aaj cold drink pine ka man hai.
santa:doctor sahab mein jaha par bhi apne shareer par apni ungli rakhta hun to ungli dukhti hai
doctor: poore shareer ka xray karvao
nurse:sar iske ungli mein fracture hai..
Teacher:” What is your name?”.
Student: ” Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.”
Teacher:” When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.”
Student:” My name is Sunlight.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
Once a new boy comes in the class The teacher asks him some questions
Teacher:What is your name?
Student:SN
Teacher:What does that mean?
Student:Som nath
Teacher: What is your Father’s name?
Student:SN
Teacher:What does that mean?
Student:Sir nath
Teacher: Where do you live?
Student:SN
Teacher:What does that mean?
Student: Shanti Niketan
After some days there is test held in the class
Student:What is my result?
Teacher:SN
Student:What does that mean?
Teacher:Satya nash
Police Inspector : Have you caught the thief?
Hawaldar : No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector : What?
Hawaldar : Finger prints.
Police Inspector : Where?
Hawaldar : On my cheeks.
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks,
“What do they do here?”
He was told,” First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Teacher: Bade ho kar tum kya karoge?
Student: Ji shaadi.
Teacher: Mera matalab, kya banoge?
Student: Ji dulha.
Teacher: Are, mera matlab hai, kya hasil karoge?
Student: Ji DULHAN
Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha
Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu parh rahe ho ji?
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Pathan: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai ke kal mera BLOOD test hai iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.
Santa and banta jungle mein, saamne aayaa sher…Lion
Banta ne sher ki aakhon main matthi phenki, aur bhaagne lagaa aur santa ko bhi bhaagne ko kahaa.
Santa : Main kyun bhaagu, matthi to tune phenki hai.
Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
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Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.
santa banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
Interviewer : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Santa : Simple, Stop imagining.
Biwi ko padhaunga
Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi krwa diyo
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except our Santaji.
He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”
A Chini was in hospital.
SANTA went to meet him.
Chini said “CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA” & died.
SANTA went china 2 know thea meaning, that was-KUTTE OXYGN K PIPE SE PAIR Utha.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.