Jokes

A line written on a Husband’s T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
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OF THEM..:-P

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb miley

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k atey hain.
2nd sardar: agar koi bomb raste me phat gia to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol dain gay, ke 1 hi mila tha

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a Sardar were doin= construction work on the 20th floor of a building. They were having lunch.

Gujju opened his lunch box & said, “Dhokla ! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, and said, Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I’m going to jump off too.”

The Sardar opened his lunch and said, “Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I’m jumping too”

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.

Car se takra kar kabutar behosh ho gaya. Aadmi use doctor ke paas le gaya phis ghar le aaya aur pinjre me rakkha. Kabutar ko hosh aaya or bola –
“Aila sala jail ho gai, wo car wala mar gaya kya.”

Bhikari: amma roti do.
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– Dadi: Abhi roti banayi nhi hai, bad mai ana.
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– Bhikari: ye mera mobile no. Hai Miss Call De dena jab tayyar ho jaye 😀
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– Bhikari rocks.
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– Dadi:Aray baba mere pas balance nai, mai facebook par status update kar dungi. Usay check karky aa jana.:D
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– Dadi double rocks.;-

Minister :- bomb blast me marne waalo ko
5 or zakhmi ko 3 lakh diye jayenge…….
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Santa :- hamarra baap pehle zakhmi Hua,

Fir margaya…..
Hamare 8 lakh bante hai…

1-admi ne Fish pakri
jab ghar aaya to dekha
Na gas
Na ata
Na bijli
Na oil
admi wapis Fish ko darya me phenk aaya
Fish upar aai or zor se chilai

*jiyo manmohan sarkar jiyo*

Wife : Please Bike Tej Na Chalao…
Mujhe Dar Lag Raha Hai…:

Santa : Agar Tujhe Bhi Dar Lag Raha Hai Toh Meri Tarah Ankhein Band Kar Le

Trafic Police Wala old women Say: “Main kitni der se seeti baja raha tha, app ruki kiun nahi ?
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Old Women : “Beta Ab meri seeti sun ker ruknay ki umer nahi rahi” :

Teacher Ne Health Ki Knowledge Dene Ke Liye Class Mein Bacho Se Puchha

Teacher: “Ande Ka Faida Batao?”

Santa: “Sir Bahut Faida Hai”

Teacher: “Kaise?”

Santa: “Agar Ye Imtahan Mein Mil Jaye To, Agle Saal Ki Books Ka Kharcha Bach Jata Hai“

Chhote: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Bade: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

cashier.jpg

Chhote: Kya naam hai uska?

Bade: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?

Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.

classroom.jpg

Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.

Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.

father-son.jpg

Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

A Funny man & his wife go to a coffee house. Funny man buys 2 cups of coffee.

Funny Man: Drink quickly… drink quickly… before it gets cold.

Wife: But why…

Funny Man: They charge Rs. 50 for hot coffee and Rs 100 for cold coffee.

Funny Lawyer Jokes

Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?

Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.

Banta: Isn’t it too high?

Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.

Banta: Is this dog faithful ?

Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

Advised for yoga

A young woman who was worried about
her habit of biting her fingernails
was advised by a friend to take up yoga.
She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga
had totally cured her nervousness.
“No,” she replied, ”
but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.

Pehle woh meri girlfrnd thi,
Mein bolta tha wo sunti thi,
Phir woh meri mangeter bani,
Woh bolti thi mein sunta tha
Jab se woh meri BIWI bani,
Hum dono bolte hain
or
muhalla sutna hai

Laloo Prasad Yadav sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference:

“Bhaiyo aur unki Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amreeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”

Lalu Rabri Jokes

Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki is bag ke andar kya hai, to sare eggs tumare, agar batao kitne eggs to 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hain to vo murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, Koi hint do na?

Sardar ko sapne me ek ladki ne chappal mari,
2 din tak sardar apne bank nahi gaya,
Qnki bank me likha tha..

“Hum aapke sapne ko hakikat me badalte hain”

Judge – You are crossing the limits.
Lawyer – Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge – How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer – My Lord, I said kaun ‘Sa Law’ kehta hai?

Banta class mein – madam maine “abc” yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao..

Banta – abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..
Madam – arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple

Banta – ok madam…. A for apple.

B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple

Munna : Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.

Circuit : Aey Bhai!!! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna : Bolay to meri fees bahut zyada hai.

Kab tak khaoge…

Shaadi mein ek pathan bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.

Kisi ne poocha kab tak khaoge?

Pathan: Mein toh khud kha-kha ke dukhi hoon, Per kya karon card mein likha tha Dinner 7 PM to 10 PM.