Jokes

Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

A man dies. In Heaven he sees a Large Wall full of Clocks.
He asks angel:”What are these for?”
Angel answers: “These r Lie Clocks, every person has lie clock! Whenever u lie on earth, clock moves.”
The man points towards a clock n asks: Whose clock is this?
Angel says: its Mother Teresa’s. It never moved, showing that she never told lie.
The man asks: Where is Indian Politician Arvind kejriwal’s clock?
Angel replies: That’s in our office …we use it as TABLE FAN !

SAMSUNG Launching Rajnikant ‘R’ Series In 2014

Features: 20 SIMS,
Battery Standby: 1 Year,
1000 GB Memory,
100 Megapixels Camera,

TV,
Oven,
Washing Machine,
Fridge,
AC,

Mini Rocket Launcher,
Mini AK-47 &
The New Special Feature 24 G In Which U Can
Meet The Person & Talk Directly !! –

Class Ki Group Photo Dekhte Hue Teachar Baccho Se Kehne Lagi Ki

Jab Tum Log Bade Hoke Ye Dekoge To Kahoge,
Ye Raju Hai Jo America Chala Gya..
Ye Chandu Hai Jo London Chala Gya..!
Or Ye Pappu Hai Jo Wahi Ka Wahi Reh Gya..!
Pappu Gusse Se Bola:

Aur Ye Humari Teachar Hai Jinka Dehant Ho Gaya

Arvind Kejriwal took the film ‘Nayak’ very seriously;

Arvind Kejriwal took the film ‘Nayak’ very seriously;

Manmohan Singh took the film ‘Pushpak’ very seriously;

Now, Diggy has taken the film “Cheeni Kum” very seriously!

Sense of Responsibility…

A man goes to library n ask for a book on Suicide!

Librarian looks at him n says

Bhai wapas kaun dene aayega?

Nurse to patient with bleeding head: your name?
Patient: Banta singh.

Nurse: age?
Patient: 25 years.

Nurse: married?
Patient : no no, car accident !

Very Very Important msg…
Pls read Carefully..

Sardiyo me skin
khushk ho jaye to pani me haldi or zara sa
milk powder daal kr ubal lain..

Thanda ho jaye to 1/2 cup dahi daal ke mixture ko dhoop
me 4 ghante rakh dain…

Baad me 1 chammach zaitoon ka tail.,
1 desi anda or 1 chutki zaafran daal kr phaint len.

Zaroorat ho to garam pani daalen..

Ek admi ne apne Padosi ko sms kiya ,

Dear Sir ,

Aapko jara sa bhi andaza nhi hai lekin aapko ye jaan kar hairaani jaroor hogi aur gussa bhi aayega … ki aapki knowledge mei aane diye bagair , I’ve been using ur WIFE .

I used it double than u ordinarily use it……

I used it day and night ….!

I really felt that my requirement for it was more than yours but it is not morally Okkey for me. And I must confess when I was wrong morally as well as legally.

Wife: Sunoji Ladka bahut paise udaane laga hai. Jahan bhi chupati hoon, dhoondh leta hai
Husband: haramkhor ki book me rakh de, exam tak nahi dhundh payega… Hehehe

Mele me Announcement hui

1 bachcha mila hai
JIN KA HAI,
Aa kar le jaye

Santa bheed se
chillata hua aya
Mujhe bhi Dikhaaaaaooo
JIN KA BACCHA
kaisa hota hai..,

A punjabi woman in London talking in English to a Dr about her sick child
“My kaka is ill ek week da. Na eat da, na sleep da , bas weep da te cheek da, nale nak v leak da…..!! lolz

Legal Voting age for Boys: 18 years
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Legal Marrying age for Boys : 21 years…
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What does this mean?
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You need more experience to Handle a girl than a country

Answer “W”…

It is a tension generator…

….’coz all the worries starts with “W”…

Who?? Why?

What? When?

Which?? Whom??

Where??

War…

Wine…Whisky… Women..Wealth.

……

……

……

……..

And finally …….

…..

WIFE!

January 4, 2014 by Joker
Munna-Circuit Jokes

Munnabhai: Yaar circuit ye RAM NAVMI kyu manai jati hai?
Circuit: Simple bhai……!!!
is din Shri Ramji 8 vi pass karke 9th class me aaye the…

Munna Bhai:- a Circuit, apun k mind me 1 laucha chal rela hai, ye Pagla 1 tang utha k kae ko sota he?
Circuit:- aray simple Bhai, bolay to agar Pagla dosri tang b utha lega to gir jai ga. . .!!!

Munna Bhai: Gandhi Jayanti ke bare mein kya jante ho?
Circuit: Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nahin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

Samsung Launching Rajnikant ‘R’ Series In 2014

Features:
20 SIMS,
Battery Standby: 1 Year,
1000 GB Memory,
100 Megapixels Camera,
TV,
Oven,
Washing Machine,
Fridge,
AC,
Mini Rocket Launcher,
Mini AK-47
&
The New Special Feature 24G In Which U Can Meet The Person & Talk Directly.

Santa aur Bhikari
Bhikari- sahab 20 rs do na, coffee peeni hai..

Santa- lekin coffee to 10 rs ki aati hai?

Bhikari- Meri girlfrnd bhi sath mai hai na.

Santa- Arey, Bhikari hokar tune girlfriend bana rakhi hai..

Bhikari- Nahi, gf ne hi mujhe bhikari banaya hai.. 🙁 😛

Gabbar: Yeh hath mujhe de de thakur…

Thakur:
Le Le, mere hath le le
Basanti ke bhi le le…
Jai aur Veeru ke bhi le le…
Ramu kaka ke bhi le le…
Octopus ban ja Kutteee!! 😡

Gabbar: Sorry yaar, tu to Emotional ho gaya

Ek aadmi apne Marriage Certificate ko ek ghante se dekh raha tha.

Biwi boli: Tussi inni der se ki dekh rahe ho?

Aadmi: Expiry Date dekh raha hu….

RAILWAY INTERVIEW:-

Interviewer:- agar do gaadiyan ek line pe aa gayi to kya karoge?

Santa:- Jee, red light dikhaunga..

Interviewer:- Red light na ho to?

Santa:- Torch dikhaunga..

Interviewer:- Torch na ho to?

Santa:- Apni red shirt utaar kar dikhaunga.

Interviewer:- Shirt bhi red na huyi to?

Santa:- Fir main apne bua ke ladke ko bulaunga.

Interviewer:- Hain..!! Wo kyun?
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Santa:- Jee, usne kabhi traino ki takkar nahi dekhi.

lllMASTERlll

An old Indian woman slips n falls. She cries, ‘hai meri kismat.!’
A foreigner walks past n says, ‘Hi…. Merry Christmas 2 u 2.

Ladka Handsome hone chahiye,
Smart to Phone bhi hote hain.

Phone to iPhone hona chahiye,
S1, S2, S3 to Train ke Dibbe bhi hote hain.

Insaan ka dil Bada hona chahiye,
Chhota to Bheem bhi hai.

Aadmi ko Samjhdar hona chahiye,
Sensitive to Toothpaste bhi hota hai.

Teacher jyada Number dene wala hona chahiye,
Andaa to Murgi bhi deti hai.

Yuva Rashtrawadi Hone chahiye,
Cool to Navratna Oil bhi hai.

Rashtrapati Kalaam Hona Chahiye,
Mujherjee to Rani bhi hai.

Bathroom mein Hair Dryer Hona chahiye,
Towel to ShriSant ke paas bhi hai.

Ladki mein Akal Honi Chahiye

Sir – define energy??
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Santa – sir pura to nhi ata but last ka pata hai bas.
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SIR – thik hain,jitna ata ha utna bolo.
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Santa “. . . . . This is called energy”

Maine poocha chand se ki dekha hai kahin, mere yaar sa haseen….. …….!!

Chand ne kaha-

Dekho..,

pehli baat to yeh ki mein tere baap ka naukar nahi hu.

Dusri baat yeh ki itni upar se Kuch dikhai nahi deta..

Aur teesri baat yeh ki yeh nautanki tum log zameen tak hi rakho, mujhe involve karne ki zarurat nahi..