Jokes

Congress decided to field Mandira Bedi as Delhi CM

Why?

Any Guess?

Because 1 MB = 1024 KB 😉

Doctor Raat Ko 3 Baje Toilet Jaane Ke Liye Utha Toh Usne Dekha Ki Toilet Puri Tarah Se Block Ho Gaya Hai.

Usne Apni Biwi Se Kaha: Mai Abhi Plumber Ko Bulata Hun.

Biwi, Hairani Se: Tum Raat Ko 3 Baje Plumber Ko Bulaogey?

Doctor: Haan, Kyon Nahin? Hum Bhi Toh Jaate Hain Raat Mein Agar Koi Mareez Beemaar Ho Jaye Toh.

Usne plumber Ko Call Kiya, Shikayat Ki Aur Usko Raaat Ko Hi Aane Ko Kaha.

Plumber Ne Mana Kiya Aur Kaha Vo Subah Aa Jayega.

Doctor Ne Pir Se Wahi Baat Kahi: Agar Mai Raat Mein Mareez Dekhne Jaa Sakta Hun Toh Tum Bhi Aa Sakte Ho.

“You cannot get eggs without hens”, said the teacher stressing the point.
Pappu: M’am, my dad can.
Teacher: Please explain yourself.
Pappu: He keeps ducks!

Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Girl- jab meri yaad aati hai tab tum kya karte ho?
Boy- me tumhari favourite chocolate khata hu! or tum kya karti ho?

Girl- Mai Bhi “3 cigarette, 1 Rajnigandha 😉

5 Doctors and 5 Engineers are travelling by rail from Pune to Mumbai.

They gather at Pune Railway Station.

Both groups desperately try to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI):
————————————–
5 Engineers buy only 1 ticket, and 5 doctors buy 5 tickets. doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come

When TC arrives, all 5 Engineers get into one toilet, so when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away.

Brucelee’s Favourites:

Favourite Vegetable: Mu-Lee

Favourite Breakfast: Id-Lee

Favourite Animal: BilLee,

Favourite Actor: Chame-Lee

Favourite Music: Qawwa-Lee

Favourite Timepaas: Khuj-Lee

Papa:-
Nalayak, Tumne Apni Mummy Se Unchi Aawaz Mein Baat Ki?? .

.

Beta:-
Mujhe Pata Hai Dad Aapko Jalan Ho Rahi Hai
Kyun Ki,
Aap Aisa Nahi Kar Sakte!!

5 Ke Beech Me 4 Likhkar Batao ?

China : Mazak Mat Karo.

Japan : Namumkin

American : Sawaal Galat Hai.

UK : Net Par Nahi Hai.

Indian :
Easy…
F(IV)E.

India has all “JUGAAD”.

Behen ki Vidaai pe chhota bhai bola:
Papa, Didi ro rahi hai,
Lekin Jeeju to nahin ro rahe!

Papa bole:
Beta, Didi to gate tak royegi,
Soch Jeeju to kab tak royega!!

Ek baar rahul,
kejriwal
aur
Modi

Ek ship mein ja rahe the..
Achanak 1 Jinn aaya aur bola: “Samundar me koi cheez pheko, agar maine dhoond li to main tumhe maar dunga, Aur na dhoond paya to main tumhara Gulam!!”

Rahul ne Sui phenki.

Jinn ne dhoond li aur use maar diya..

Kejriwaal ne memory card pheka.
Jinn ne dhoond liya aur use bhi maar diya..

Modi ne kuch phenka..
Gin ne bohot dhuna, dhund dhund ke thak gaya aur puchhne laga. “batao mere aaaka main haar gaya,”

Rajnikanth wanted to organise a “SMALL” show for his family and friends..
And guess what………

as a result ‘Comman Wealth Games’ came to India..!!

An indigenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began:

“Before begining my speech I want to tell you a very very old story about Rishi kashyap of kashmir, after whom kashmir is named.

When he found a beautiful lake,
he thought-”What a good opportunity 2 have a bath”,

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered d water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.

A Pakistani had stolen them!

“Kal ka kaam aaj mat karo..
usko kal par hi rakho..
kya pata us kaam ko karne ki zarurat hi na pade”

– William kamchor

Santa calls WHITE HOUSE

Santa: I want to become the next president of USA…

Obama: Are u an Idiot?

Santa: No, Why? Is it Compulsory to be an Idiot?

Munna Bhai ne pehle din office khola to bada khush tha.
Usko Circuit ne bataya ke bahar ek aadmi aaya hai…

Munna bada khush hua aur use andar aanay ke liye kaha. Us ke andar aanay say pehlay Munna nay socha ke us par impression dalna chahiye aur phone utha ke batien karnay laga.

“Haan Haan! 500 rupay fees hai, apun 10 baje tak betha hai idher, is say late nahi karnay ka, apun bahut busy hai”.

Us ke baad us nay phone rakha aur aanay walay say poocha “Beth na Maamoon, apun teray liye kya kar sakta hai?”

Man: Mien yahaan phone sahi karnay aaya hoon.

Santa: Beta ye kaisi machis laaye ho. Sasura ek bhi teeli nahi jal rahi.

Banta: Kya baat kartay ho papa saari teeliya check kar ke laya hoon!

Ek baar ki baat hai ki ek Ghanaa Patla Chhota Doctor ke paas gaya aur bola Ji, mera ilaaaj kar do!

Doctor ne kaha, “Hum yaha ilaaj karne ke liye hi baithe hain aur ke yaha daadhi banawa sa, Bata key beemari hai?”

Chhore ne kaha, “Ji meri taang mein beemari Sey” !

Doctor Bolya, “Dikha apni taang”

Uss patle chhote ne kaha, “Ji aap hans padoge meri taang dekhte hi”

Doctor bolya, “Kona hansun, Aur jey hansa pada to aadhi fees mafa!”

Munna: “What is Ford?
Circuit: Gaadi re, aur kya?

Munna: What is Oxford?
Circuit: BOLE TO Bail Gaadi re, itna bhi nahi janta!”

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired with the mobile communication

They decide to use the conventional method of communication.
That is to use pigeons to send messages.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.
When the pigeon reached Banta, it was without any message.

Angrily, Banta picks up his mobile and calls and asks Santa
“what is this – a joke?

The pigeon is without any message.

Guess what Santa said???
“Are Gadheyyyyyyyy !!!! , woh to sirf missed call tha !

1 Large State – “Maha-Rastra”

2 Place of Kings – “Raja-Sthan”

3 Mr. City – “Shri-Nagar”

4 Rhythm of Eyes – “Nayni-Tal”

5 Face – “Surat”

6 Unmarried Girl – “Kanya-Kumari”

7 No Zip – “Chen-Nai”

8 Come in Evening – “Aa-Sam”

9 Go and Come – “Go-Aa”

10 Answer State – “Uttar-Pradesh”

11 Make Juice – “Bana-Ras”

12 Do Drama – “Kar-Natak”

13 Green Gate – “Hari-Dwar”.

Daku bank lutne gaye..
Gun ghar mein bhool gaye

fir bhi bank lut lia

kaise?

Bank manager Santa tha, bola:
koi baat nahi I trust u,
Gun mujhe kal dikha dena.
Popular Content

1) Pehli Baat:

Har insaan itna bura nahin hota, jitna “PAN Card” Aur “Aadhar Card” mein dikhta hai,
Aur itna achcha bhi nahin hota, jitna “facebook” aur “whatsapp” pe dikhta hai.

2) Dusri Baat:

Har insaan itna bura nahin hota, jitna uski “Biwi” usko samajhti hai,
Aur itna achcha bhi nahin hota, Jitna uski “Maa” usko samjhti hai.

Santa shaadi mein khana khane gaya

Par samane Salad ka counter dekh kar wapis aa gaya

Baahar aakar bola: O banta, abhi to sabzi hi kat rahi he

Baniya ka ladka: Papa papa, maine aaj paise bachaye.

Baniya (khush hokar): Wah beta wah, magar kaise bachaye?

Ladka: Main dentist ke paas gaya tha daant nikalne.. Dentist ne kaha ki 500 Rs fees hai…phir tum ek daant nikalo ya do daant. Phir maine sabhi nikal diye!