New Delhi, March 23: After the latest WIkileaks expose Manmohan Singh went to Sonia Gandhi to discuss the issue. This is the fictional account of what must’ve transpired between them.
Manmohan Singh (MMS)– Madam, ek aur bomb phat gaya hai.
Sonia- Mannu, which one is it this time?
MMS- Madam, it’s called Wiki Bomb.
Sonia- Where has it fallen?
MMS– On my head, again.
Sonia- Mannu, but you seem to be alright. In any case, given the number of bombs that have been falling on your head in recent times, by now you should be immune to these kind of things, like we are.
MMS- Madam, please be serious. Wikileaks has leaked an American cable which says that Satish Sharma (Sat Sharm) distributed money to MPs through Nachiketa Kapur (Nach Kap) during the trust vote in 2008.
Sonia– But that is correct. We did give them some money.
MMS- Correct? Is that all that you have to say? Is it correct that such a cable was written and has been leaked too?
Sonia- Now that’s not correct.
MMS- What is not correct? Writing of the cable or leakage of it?
Sonia- uhhhhh, let me think. Both are not correct. Or may be the writing of that cable was correct but it’s leakage was not. I don’t know.
MMS- Madam, was buying of those votes correct?
Sonia- Mannu, we keep buying so many things and so many people. How am I supposed to recollect this one?
MMS- Ab kya boloon main!
Sonia- Ok ok, I now recall. I’d told Sat Sharm to organize it.
MMS- Do you know what Sat Sharm did? He told Nach Kap to organize it.
Sonia- Yeah, we’re all very good at organizing things.
MMS- But Nach Kap not only organized it he also showed the money to US embassy guys.
Sonia- Yeah, as they say- show me the money baby!!!
MMS- But why did we do it? We should’ve shown the Americans our middle finger instead.
Sonia- Mannu, since when did you start making policy decisions? Anyways, how much money was shown to those guys?
MMS- 50-60 crores.
Sonia- Now you are wasting my time. All this chaos for just 50-60 crores? And that too in rupees? Crazy!! Hey, but wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me we spent so much money on buying votes of these do kaudi ke aadmi?
MMS- Yes madam. And they didn’t even vote for us. Nach Kap messed it up big time.
Sonia- Yeah, I guess that’s why Sat Sharm threw him out?
MMS- But if you actually see it’s Sat Sharm who was responsible.
Sonia- Why do you think he’s not in the cabinet right now?
MMS- Madam, what we need to be worried about is that all this is in public domain now.
Sonia- Get Amar Singh over here.
MMS- Madam, he’s not in public domain anymore. I mean he’s trying to but at the moment he’s latko somewhere in between.
Sonia- Get Digvijay Singh (Diggy) then.
MMS- Madam, Diggy is already employed full time keeping track of Baba Ramdev’s every move.
Sonia- Get Shashi Tharoor then.
MMS- Madam, Shashi hasn’t yet come back from his honeymoon.
Sonia- What the hell!! The guy got married more than four months ago!
MMS- What can I say madam?
Sonia- Get Pranab then.
MMS- Madam, Pranabda is already heading 765 GoMs which we have formed on some pretext or the other and cannot be spared. Moreover, I really do not know what he may say or do once he gets angry.
Sonia- Yeah, Hillary was right. We should not have made him the finance minister. At least call Rahul then.
MMS- Madam, Rahul ki toh taang tut gayi hai.
Sonia- Oh yes, I forgot. Poor baby!!!
MMS –Now what should we do?
Sonia- Let me ask Berloscuni. He’s quite used to scandals.
MMS- But those are scandals of a different kind, madam.
Sonia- Thank the lord for small mercies that our scandals are different. And thank god woh Sukanya wala case nipat gaya.
MMS- Nipat gaya ya nipta diya gaya?
Sonia- Shut up Mannu. Now, there is only one option left. Just deny the whole Wikileaks thing.
MMS- Aur kitna jhooth bolenge hum?
Sonia- If you have a problem with your conscience you should not have joined Congress, uhhhh politics actually.
MMS- Madam, I want to resign. Let me go, please.
Sonia- Let Rahul get better first.
MMS- I’m so very sorry to say this but Rahul can never improve, Madam.
Sonia- I meant his leg.
MMS- Even so, madam. Woh toh abhi baccha hai.
Sonia- Baccha se yaad aya, what happened to the other baccha, Sadiq Batcha?
MMS- Madam, he’s with upparwala these days.
Sonia- Bhagwan uski atma ko shanti de!
MMS- Madam, actually it’s me who needs shanti. I think I’ll try pranayam in the morning with Swami Ramdev.
Sonia- PRANAYAM? Diggy will kill you if he comes to know.
MMS- Don’t worry. After you told him to follow Swami Ramdev Diggy has got so influenced that he himself is doing it every morning.
Sonia- Holy mother of Christ!!! If Diggy is doing pranayam then it is time for us to run I guess. Chalo, boria bistar bandh lo. Bye, I’m going back to Italy.
–Source: makesplash.com