1. To be compliant, co-operative and conciliatory towards one another, to advise each other and urge each other towards obedience to Allah, the Most High and the Most Blessed, following all of His Rulings, which have been clearly established in the Qur’aan and the Sunnah. These must never be superseded by blind following of any custom or school of thought, which has predominated among the people. Allah, the Most High says:
“It is not fitting for a believing, man and woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have an opinion about their decision; if anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path.” [Soorah al-Ahzab: 36]
2.Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obliged on them towards one another. The Qur’aan deals with the role of men and women in the following verses:
“Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. chastity, their husbands property, etc.) As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, and at last beat them (lightly, if it is useful) but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” [Soorah An-Nisa (4): 34]
The Divine injunction describes man as Qawwam (maintainer) and the women as Qanitah (obedient) Hafizatun lil Ghaib (preserver of the secret). This verse give two reasons as to why men are described as maintainer. Firstly, because
‘Allah has made one of them to excel the other’ which means that He has excelled men to be physically stronger and more inclined to have a career outside the home.
The second reason is that “they spend from their means” it is the man’s duty to provide financially for his family and it is also the man who is required to give a dower to his wife at the time of marriage.
The husbands, thus have been put in charge of his home, but this is a responsibility and not a privilege. His duty is to do justice, to consult the duties of the family and to refrain from tyranny.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Those who do justice will be on thrones of light at Allah’s right Hand, and both of Allah’s Hands are right Hands; those who were just in their ruling with their families and in all which they were given authority.” [Saheeh Muslim]
The different roles of sexes means that never is one burdened with all the duties while the other enjoys all privileges. Instead they both have individual duties and privileges, and both make sacrifice in order to win the pleasure of Allah. The Qur’aan says in this regard:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty and All-Wise.” [Soorah Al-Baqarah (2): 228]
Mu’aawiyah ibn Haidah (radhi allahu anhu) said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihe wa-sallam), what rights do our wives have on us? The Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) replied:
“That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them (this refers to the custom of the Arabs before Islam of saying to their wives in anger: May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them on their face, and in boycotting the marital bed do not go outside the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these) when you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regards to her (for valid reasons)” [Authentic Related by Ahmad]
And when they both of them having faith, know and practice the right and duties of each other, Allah the Most High, authorizes for them a good life as long as they remain together in the bliss of happiness. Allah says in the Qur’aan: “Whoever works righteous, man or woman, and has faith to Him We will give a new life, a life which is good and pure and We will bestow on them their rewards according to the best of their actions.” [Soorah An-Nahl: 97]
Abridged from Advice on Establishing an Islamic Home by Aboo Ubaidah Amr bin Basheer
“Making the House into a place of Remembrance”
“I did not create Jinn and mankind except for My worship”
[Soorah adh-Dhariyaat: 56]
After establishing the most important factor towards building a righteous Islamic HOME: the body – comprising the spouses, their collaboration with each other and compliance to the laws of Allah, the Exalted, comes the next important step – giving life to it, through the remembrance of Allah and His worship, since the body without life is futile and inefficient of yielding any benefit, according to the explanation of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), in describing the two categories of houses: “The example of the home in which Allah is remembered and the home in which Allah is not remembered, is like comparing the living and the dead” [Saheeh Muslim (1/539)]