We are fine—to heck with slanderous Foreign False Flags

Shafeeq R. Mahajir

We hear complaints which we all know are all foreign false flag complaints: highest unemployment rate in 45 years (NSSO Data), 22 out of 30 most polluted cities now in India (WHO Data), number of Indian soldiers martyred highest in 30 years, highest income inequality in 80 years (Credit Suisse Report), world’s worst country for women (Thomas Reuters Survey), world’s second most unequal country (Global Wealth Report), CPC status (USCRIF recommendation), Indian farmers suffered worst price crash in 18 years (WPI Data), etc. IMF it seems has raised concerns over our government’s data reporting norms, delays, India’s tax revenue estimates and GDP growth targets.

Who the Dickens is IMF to tell me what to do, dash it?

UN released World Happiness Index ranks India 140 out of 153 nations. UN, sitting in some damn place somewhere, decides how happy we Indians are? Brainless, no? Note most of these are based on reports of foreign entities. Why they should go around with such lies about India is the mystery. They just want to defame us. Naughty blighters! Being foreign in origin, we can safely say “Boo!” to those reports and forget them. We are doing fine, even handling Covid-19. And we know whom to vote for, come election time.


What migrants? They are guest workers in our states, mister. Don’t call them migrants. India is their country, they cannot be migrants in their own country. What? Deaths on the roads? Well, look, in a country as massive as India, what are a few thousand deaths, when 50,000 people die in accidents every year, and we do nothing in the matter of creating footpaths? Automobile lobby, mister, zero interest loans, more and more cars, bigger cars, to hell with idiotic “Where-are-the-roads-to-drive-them-on?” questioners, anti-development buggers, anti-national thinking…so what if a decent car costs 20 lakh rupees, when the sum is unimaginable for 80% of fellow Indians… with the level of announced development of our economy, hawaai chappal waalas travelling in hawaai jahaazes, who needs footpaths anyway, when everyone will be driving? And we will not allow cow-ards to talk about mob lynching and cow-related vigilante generated violence, because that is entirely an Indian matter, and we in India can well handle it.

Shift focus to economy. Indian banks it seems have lost Rupees 6,60,000 crore to bad loans: that is two sixes followed by eleven zeroes. A zero is by itself of no value, but the problem is these appear after two sixes, no decimals obstructing their flow!

Let’s try perspective: Patel statue, say Rs 3500 crore. Union government “package” Rs 20,000 crore.  Cost of conveying all workers to their native places, estimated Rs 4,200 crore.  Loot of this Rs.6,60,000,00,00,000/- set us back how many hospitals, schools and colleges? All right, how many statues?

Important thing is; how many business-people have been placed under restrictions for these defaults in payments? How many furnished personal guarantees that have resulted in their personal assets being seized? How many have been convicted and landed behind bars? How much of this money is likely to be recovered? How? All irrelevant issues obviously.

Delving deeper, bank officers of nationalised banks are public servants charged, entrusted with public money. How did they lend against inadequate or illusory securities? Who drafted the documents that enabled flight of capital into wrong hands? Was just a financial audit done, and why did it not disclose what was going on? More important, was any legal audit done to ascertain how documents drawn up left loopholes for enterprising individuals to escape through? How much of that was deliberate? How many bank officials and directors have been placed under suspensions for these hand-outs? How many have been investigated for disproportionate assets? Of how many have personal assets been seized? How many have been convicted and landed behind bars? How much of public money is being applied to bail out the banks? Who sanctioned the exercise? Was any judicial approval sought? Should it not have been? Obviously, more irrelevant issues. Don’t waste my time, yaar. Kaam ki baath kar.

Now, the Karnataka HC reportedly (bit.ly/2zhrFZ1) expressed shock at government’s response re Kumaraswamy wedding matter noting it was not willing to accept its official’s errors. Correct approach. Why should not the same approach be adopted in the financial misadventures? Look, judges too make mistakes, no? So that just must have made a mistake.

People allege exploitation of power, criminalization of politics, citing Kuldeep Sengar, Chinmayanand, Pragya Thakur on parliamentary defense panel, DSP Devindar Singh, donation of 10 crores to a party from a firm that was being probed for terror funding by ED (source allegedly party’s declaration in EC filing)…

Listen, you doom-sayer, what are a few murders or a few rapes, in a country as massive as ours? You think these things don’t happen in those angrezi ispiking phoren countries? Those who don’t get elected, usually say things like this, you know, sour-grapes-syndrome. So talk about other things, man, real issues. Not media things.

In MP cops beat up a lawyer because they thought he was Muslim, because he had a beard. How bad is that? Look, why should the fellow have a beard, in these days of Markaz-maari…I mean, maha-maari-bimaari? He should have been careful.  Get to some real magaz-maari issue, man.

Okay. The Finance Minister was at a PC informed that people expected some relief considering the problems they faced due to the lockdown, etc., and she just said “Theek hai”.  So? See the immediate responsiveness?! Imagine placing a problem before a senior Union Government functionary, and getting an immediate answer: what more can any citizen expect? What? What do you mean what does “Theek hai” mean? You don’t know the nationalist language…I mean, national language?

We even have an app to catch Covid-type chaps violating social distancing. Do you know that a Delhi Court extended interim bail to an undertrial with a direction he install Aarogya Setu on his mobile. B…but that means if he installs that app, he cannot jump bail, which means he can be under surveillance all the time!  Exactly, so see how medical apps are interwoven with surveillance technology, how much we have developed?!  B…but that means the government is watching your every move!

So, you don’t want the government to know what you are up to? Kaiku re? What anti-national things are you up to, that you are worried about being watched? Anyone who opposes what the government wants him to do, must be labelled seditious, charged appropriately, locked up, taught a lesson, so these anti-national ideas are uprooted from our country. Look, you can’t do that: I will go to Court. Today, you can for the day another special app is made mandatory is not yet here: we’re working on an app that can be activated remotely: when you want to go before a Court, it self-triggers, so you land up not before a Court, but a Court jester. Just wait and see.

Shafeeq R. Mahajir is a Hyderabad-based nationally known lawyer