The main reason behind Muslim girls remaining unmarried even after passing the age of Nikah is the change in the selection criteria. We have stopped giving preference to moral character instead preference is mostly given to wealth.
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. ” (Muslim) And he said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. “(Bukhari)
But we have started giving preference to wealth and possessions so that our status is elevated in the society. We have totally ignored religiousness. Those families whose eyes are not on the wealth and affluence of the girl, they have made the beauty of the girl the criteria for selection. Those people have put such conditions for the life partner of their earning son that they don’t get tired of even after parading dozens of girls.
Hazrat Abu Umamah, May Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is nothing more beneficial to a believer after fear of Allah Almighty than a virtuous wife. When he orders her to do something, she obeys. When he looks at her, she delights him. When he requests her to do something, she carries it out. When he is absent from her, she is faithful to him both in respect of herself and his property.”
If we make wealth and beauty the criteria for marriage then we would surely have to compromise over religiousness. As far as the people preferring wealth and beauty are concerned surely they may not be religious hence their criteria are different.
Therefore those who want a good society to be formed they should show utmost care on the first step of building the fundamental unit of the society that is the family. They should give preference to such girls who may lag behind others in beauty, wealth or lineage but are ahead of others in religiousness. When we make such girls our life partners naturally our children would also be virtuous and obedient.
We constantly say that ‘the mother’s lap is the first school for every child’ but we forget that if we do not prefer religiousness then our children will not be trained in religious manner.
It must be mentioned here that some people don’t directly ask for dowry but they search such families where they can get everything without being asked. Those who ask for dowry should know that dowry is prohibited (haram) in Islam. Dowry seekers give the example of Nikah of Hazrat Bibi Fatima (raa) and Hazrat Ali (raa) and say that Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) gave dowry to Hazrat Bibi Fatima (raa) they also relate it to Jahez Fatimi, despite perfectly knowing that Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) gave the household items not as the father of Hazrat Bibi Fatima (raa) but as the guardian of Hazrat Ali (raa) and that too by selling Hazrat Ali’s armour.
Had it been like that he (pbuh) would have given dowry to his other daughters too. We don’t find any instances as such. How can we suppose that Prophet (pbuh) might have discriminated among his daughters?
So by using the terminology of ‘Jahez fatimi’ we cannot justify dowry seeking. It doesn’t mean that the bride’s parents and other relatives should not give any gift to the bride. But whatever is given should be given as a gift. And exchanging gifts is the sunnah of Prophet (pbuh).
Today the form of dowry which has permeated into Muslim society is purely Hinduistic. It had been clarified earlier that as there is no concept of inheritance among Hindu society they give dowry (dahej) to their daughters.
Another ritual in connection with Nikah has been continued for centuries, that is the bride is dressed up in red costume on the wedding night. And the white colour that is a decent colour has been attributed to widowhood. The specialization of red dress is also a Hinduistic belief and there is also a philosophy behind it which clashes with the Islamic thoughts.
Ather Moin