Quickly disconnect. Don’t you know the Punjab State Commission for Women thinks mobile phones are marriage wreckers? Pained at far too many newlyweds divorcing, this statutory body’s morphed into a marriage counselor. And its advisory says that in wedlock’s initial two years, the wife must make the “small adjustments”. Such as: not chatting on the mobile with her nosey parents – even if it’s to solicit advice on how to make a marriage work. For, hubby and in-laws can start thinking their bahu’s talkathons are with a paramour! Call it a suspected case of love, cell and dhoka.
What a wring tone. Some mobile operators are already seeing profits dented courtesy business-expanding African safaris. What’ll happen if Indian brides now stop subscribing, fearing shaadi will turn to barbaadi? But hold the line. Certain telcos are reportedly thriving by selling off-limits numbers on the Do Not Call registry for princely sums. More to the point, if not their Mrs, husbands will remain customers. Presumably, another ‘adjustment’ a wife must make is not to doubt hubby dear’s fidelity when he makes those roaming calls. Nor, in a fit of rage, dial M for Mummy.
After all, the Indian male seems not to want to be upwardly ‘mobile’ through his better half. A well-known marriage portal reveals that 97% of the men it’s surveyed in a modern city like Mumbai want wives who earn less than them; only 1% wants wives to be more educated. If women happily seek partners more qualified than themselves, men go for “fair” plus “lovely”. Naturally, the more lovely the bride, the more her hotline’s jammed. And the more her number’s ‘engaged’, the more marital groom and doom there’ll be on the in-laws’ suspicion that fair is foul.
Does that mean marriage is past its cell-by-date? Or that relationships are best lived out in mobile homes? Well, many brides might support Hollywood actress Eva Mendes’s view of wedlock as “very boring”. Consider, after all, another marital ‘adjustment’ that requires women to mostly do the housework. Recent research says if men do wash dishes or vacuum-clean, they must reclaim surrendered manliness by punching a few bags immediately after. So what’s new? A 2009 survey showed that men acted deaf or feigned illness when chores came up. Or they pretended to have to make a long, crucial call! Such phony excuses don’t always cell well.
Talking of buying and selling, conjugal life can also be a drag thanks to yet another ‘adjustment’: gals shop alone because mall-hopping’s not a guy thing. But instead of dreading spousal extravagance, men should get on the feminine bandwidth here. Haven’t they heard of “retail therapy”? Frequent shopping, a study says, can make people live longer! That means frequent shopping can also make couples communicate longer – provided the shop frequented sells mobiles. If only spouses got SIM-biotically connected on cellular platforms with marital Apps. That way, handsets can become hand-holding devices. Hello, smart phone. Buy-buy happiness.
–Agencies