Lions are killing cows in Gujarat. Will cow protectors lynch them?

In August 2015, media houses carried reports that the Centre was considering changing India’s national animal from the tiger to the lion. However, CID investigations into the killing of a cow in Gujarat – one that a group of Dalits were blamed and assaulted by gau rakshaks for – may have just ended the lion’s chances. As it turns out, the cow killer was not a Dalit, but a lion. And no cow killer could ever represent India.

That the lion may have also been Dalit is, as of yet, still to be ascertained. There is evidence to support this – the lion’s evident love of beef, its marginalisation from the mainstream, and the need to reserve places specially for them. But the lion’s Dalit identity isn’t the issue here. The real issue is what do India’s self-appointed cow protectors do now? Attack lions?


┬áThe growing instances of violence in recent months, supposedly in defence of cows, has made one thing very clear – cow lives matter. However, those are apparently the only lives that do.
A Muslim man was lynched by a mob that suspected he was eating beef. Dalits have been publicly beaten on suspicion of killing cows. Most recently, two Muslim women were attacked by a gang of cow-crazed vigilantes because they were suspected of carrying beef which tests have now shown to be buffalo meat (as if that even matters.)

Basically, regardless of the gender, caste or creed of a person, cow lives matter more than any other. They even matter more than Indian laws. So, since protecting cows trumps both the right to life and law, we should probably brace ourselves for a spurt of violent attacks against our already endangered lions.


The news of the lion’s involvement in the recent Gujarat cow killing must have been troubling for India’s gau goon gangs. After all, they’re used to their victims being hopelessly defenseless.

With that being the case it actually sounds tempting to grant them their chance to prove their love for their mother cow, one at a time in a cage with a lion. After all, a large number of them claim they’d give their lives to protect cows.

This solution is genius because everyone wins – cow protectors get to prove just how much they love cows, our lions would be well fed, meaning they would stop preying on cows and we’d cleanse India’s gene pool of a whole lot of stupidity. Everybody wins.

But the cow protectors aren’t known for fighting fair. Confronting a lion one on one is not something they’d actually resort to. Fifty of them would probably corner a sleeping lion, in all likelihood the world’s only vegetarian lion, and have it shot.

Alternatively, they could get Salman Khan to do it for them. After all, he has already proven he has zero respect for wildlife…errr…any life. Besides, the law never seems to find him guilty and clean chits from courts are the only thing that matters in Gujarat, right?

That “solution” sounds terrible, but it might finally get the government to wake up and take action against these bovine-loving buffoons. After all, unlike women, Dalits and Muslims, the government actually seems to value the lives of lions.

Courtesy: Catch News