Q: Do your religious beliefs exalt or stigmatize sex (or both)? Is religion a useful tool for helping young people navigate the treacherous world of sex, love and relationships? Does religion present an alternative view of sex and sexual relationships to the culture at large? Should it?
With the recent pronouncements out of Iran that immodest and promiscuous women who lead men into temptation are the cause of earthquakes, one might suspect that Islam views the human body, let alone sex, as something evil.
As in most things, however, Islam strives to deal with human sexuality with balance and moderation. Sex is seen as a blessing of God upon humankind, an act not only for procreation, but also for physical enjoyment and for bringing spouses closer to one another. But like most blessings, too much of a good thing can become harmful, so Islam places limits on, and offers suggestions for, healthy sexual relationships.
Perhaps the most salient reference on the matter is the following narration from the Prophet Muhammad PBUH (found in Sahih Muslim, Book 5, Number 2198)
Abu Dharr reported: The prophet PBUH said: Enjoining good is a charity, forbidding evil is a charity, and in sexual intercourse there is charity.” The companions, surprised, asked: “O Messenger of God! When one of us satisfies his desire, does he also get a reward?” Muhammad replied: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a unlawful manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a lawful manner, he will be rewarded.”
Unlawful sex includes coercive sex and extra-marital sex, while lawful sex is that which occurs between spouses. There is a great deal of disagreement amongst Muslim scholars as to the permissibility of particular forms of sexual activity: oral and anal sex, and the extent of sexual contact permissible during menstruation.
Within lawful sexual relationships, the prophet made it quite clear that sex is not just about children, or satisfying male needs.
Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah PBUH said: “None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” “And what is that messenger?” His companions asked, and he replied: “Kisses and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)
This view of sexuality can indeed offer young people sound guidance. Sex is seen as normal, a wonderful component of a committed relationship, a source of joy, intimacy and offspring. But it is also acknowledged that sex can be harmful and inappropriate in certain circumstances.
Casual sex, sexual activity before emotional maturity, disparate feelings about the significance of sex between young partners, unwanted pregnancy, and sexually transmitted disease, can all create trauma in the emotional and physical development of young people. The current “hook-up” culture among some sectors of society, the early rush to physical intimacy, put our young people and their future relationships at risk. Islam’s emphasis on sex within a committed relationship helps to protect young people from many of these dangers.
-Pamela K. Taylor
Taylor is co-founder of Muslims for Progressive Values, former director of the Islamic Writers Alliance and strong supporter of the woman imam movement.