This is one of the most convincing things about Islam – the treatment of women in general and especially the high position mothers hold in Islam.
Amongst the clearest examples of Islam’s honoring women is the great status of the mother in Islam. Islam commands kindness, respect and obedience to parents and specifically emphasizes and gives preference to the mother as shall be shown in this article. Islam raises parents to a status greater than that found in any other religion or ideology.
The command to be good to one’s parents begins right from the Qur’an. Allah says:
“Worship Allah and join not any partners with Him; and be kind to your parents…”
(Noble Quran 4:36)
The mention of servitude to parents follows immediately after servitude to Allah. This is repeated throughout the Qur’an.
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”
(Noble Quran 17:23-24)
The great scholar, Abu al-Faraj Ibn Al-Jawzi (d. 1201CE) explained:
‘To be kind to one’s parents is: to obey them when they order you to do something, unless it is something which Allah has forbidden; to give priority to their orders over voluntary acts of worship; to abstain from that which they forbid you to do; to provide for them; to serve them; to approach them with gentle humility and mercy; not to raise your voice in front of them; nor to fix your glance on them; nor to call them by their names; and to be patient with them.’
[Ibn al-Jawzi, Birr al-Walidayn]
The Qur’an emphasizes the great struggles the mother goes through for her child, to highlight the need for one to reciprocate their parents sacrifice for them:
“And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and his weaning was over two years. Be thankful to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.”
(Noble Quran 31:14)
The renowned exegete, Shaykh Abdur-Rahman As-Sa’di (d. 1956), says about this verse:
{And to your parents} meaning, be kind to your parents, shower on them love, affection and piety, both in words and deeds, treat them with tender humility, provide for them and never harm them verbally nor physically. […] Then, Allah mentions the reason why we should be kind to our parents, when He says {His mother bore him in travail upon travail}, that is, the mother bore constant suffering; in pain and hardship from the first moment she felt the child moving in her womb to the worst pangs during the time of delivery. And {his weaning is for two years}, that is, during these two years the mother breast-feeds her child and looks after him/her. So after all the years of suffering, hardship, love and care, could we not, at least, compensate our mothers for what they have done for us and pay them back their rights? (Taysar al-Karim ar-Rahman fi Tafsir al-Kalam al-Manan)
The Qur’an repeats its mention of the struggles of the mother in yet another passage:
“And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, “My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.”
(Noble Quran 46:15)
In connection to this passage, Shaykh Muhammad Shafy (d. 1976) wrote:
Mother has more rights than father Although the first part of this ayat is a command to do good to both the parents, the second sentence refers only to the hardships suffered by the mother, because they are unavoidable, and no child can be born without them. Every mother has to go through the problems of pregnancy and severe pains of delivery. As against this, it is not necessary for a father that he suffers any hardship in bringing up and educating the child, if he can afford to pay somebody else for these services. This is why the Prophet (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) has given more rights to the mother than anybody else. According to a hadith he has said,
“Do good to and serve your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the near relatives and then those who come after them.”
[Mazhari]
“And his carrying and his weaning is in thirty months”
(Noble Quran 46:15)
This sentence too describes the hardships suffered by the mother for her baby. It points out that even after suffering hardships during pregnancy and the severe labor pains, the mother does not get respite from toils, because the natural food of the infants is in her breasts, and she has to suckle them.
[Shafy, Ma’ariful Qur’an (Eng. trans.), vol. 7, pp. 795-796]
The Prophet Muhammad (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) continually used to remind his followers of the status of the mother and the obligation of being good to one’s parents. The following narration is a beautiful example of the noble position of the mother:
A man came to the Prophet, SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam, and said:
‘O Messenger of Allah! Who from amongst mankind warrants the best companionship from me?’
He, SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam, replied: “Your mother.”
The man asked:
‘Then who?’
So he (SAWS) replied:
“Your mother.”
The man then asked:
‘Then who?’
So the Prophet (SAWS) replied again:
“Your mother.”
The man then asked:
‘Then who?’
So he (SAWS) replied:
“Then your father.”
[Sahih Bukhari 5971 and Sahih Muslim 7/2]
Commenting on this hadith, Shaykh Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi notes:
This hadith confirms that the Prophet (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) gave precedence to kind treatment of one’s mother over kind treatment of one’s father (Al-Hashimi, The Ideal Muslimah, IIPH 2005, p. 165)
Likewise, the late Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Shaykh Abdul-Aziz Ibn Baz (d. 1999) comments on this hadith saying:
So this necessitates that the mother is given three times the like of kindness and good treatment than the father. (Majmoo’ Fataawaa wa Maqalat Mutanawwi’ah)
He also writes:
The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her, and the difficulties that she has to shoulder – responsibilities and difficulties some of which not even a man bears. This is why from the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude to the mother, and kindness and good companionship with her. And in this matter, she is to be given precedence over and above the father.[…] And I have no doubt that my mother – may Allah shower His mercy upon her – had a tremendous effect upon me, in encouraging me to study; and she assisted me in it. May Allah greatly increase her reward and reward her with the best of rewards for what she did for me. (Majmoo’ Fatawa wa Maqalat Mutanawwi’ah)
The Prophet Muhammad (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) also said in a famous narration:
‘Paradise lies at the feet of your mother’
[Musnad Ahmad, Sunan An-Nasaai, Sunan Ibn Majah]
What can be greater evidence of honoring women than this? Islam has effectively placed the ultimate reward for human beings in their devotion to their mothers.
Shaykh Ibrahim Ibn Salih Al-Mahmud writes:
Treat your mother with the best companionship, then your father; because paradise is under the mother’s feet. Never disobey your parents, nor make them angry, otherwise you will live a miserable life in this world and the hereafter, and your children will treat you likewise. Ask your parents gently if you need something. Always thank them if they give it to you, and excuse them if they do not, and never insist on a matter if they refuse to give you something. (Al-Mahmoud, How to be kind to your Parents, p.40)
It is related from Talhah ibn Mu’awiyah as-Salami who said:
I came to the Prophet and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I want to perform Jihad in the way of Allah. He asked, “Is your mother alive?” I replied, “Yes.” The Prophet then said: “Cling to her feet, because paradise is there.” (at-Tabarani).
Shaykh Nidhaam Sakkijihaa comments:
Cling to her feet means to submit yourself to her, be close to her, protect her, serve her because in this is Paradise and with her satisfaction you will enjoy the good blessings of Allah. (Sakkijihaa, Honoring the Parents, p. 52)
The Prophet Muhammad (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) showed us the importance of serving one’s parents in the following narration reported by Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud (RadhiAllahu Anhu):
‘I asked the Prophet, SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam,
‘O Messenger of Allah, what is the best deed?’
He (SAWS) replied,
‘Prayer offered on time.’
I asked,
‘What is next in goodness?’
He (SAWS) replied,
‘To be dutiful and kind to one’s parents.’
I further asked,
‘What is next in goodness?’
He (SAWS) replied,
‘Jihad in the Allah’s cause.’
[Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]
Just as the Prophet (SallAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said that kindness to one’s parents was of the best deeds, he also said that disobedience to them was amongst the major sins:
“The greatest sins are to associate partners in worship with Allah, to be undutiful or unkind to one’s parents, to kill a soul forbidden by Allah and to bear false witness.”
[Sahih Bukhari]