Polygamy (in this context, polygny) in Islam is a subject that has been debated .
for a long time by many people from different countries and various religious backgrounds. In fact, it is a subject that has been overly exhausted by opposing views to the extent that it can be fairly said that it has been transformed into an argument that renders resentment-filled and anger-fueled reactions when debated. The process of intellectualization strips the issue of its human functionality and social meaning. However, it cannot be denied that polygamy in Islam, like any other subject, cannot be negated.
In a recent discussion forum on IslamOnline.net, Thinking of a Second Marriage, participants reacted to the subject of a man who was thinking of taking a second wife, and the discussion fueled different reactions to polygamy itself. The predominant views can be divided into two sides: one that even though it is stated clearly in the Qur’an that a man is entitled to take four wives, the stipulations and conditions in the Qur’an rendered such an arrangement rarely applicable; the other that polygamy is indeed lawful and allowable under certain conditions, which should not take away from a woman her feeling of security and being appreciated. The discussion generated multifaceted dimensions including those that belonged to the religious, social feminist, and psychological realms.
Understanding Polygamy
Allah Almighty states in the Qur’an what means,
[Marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one] (An-Nisaa’ 4:3)
The most common interpretation of this Qur’anic verse is that despite the clear indication that a man has the right to marry up to four wives, equity is a condition that has to be established. However, since equity is a condition that is almost impossible to achieve, the supposed polygamous right is obsolete:
In seventh-century Arabia, when a man could have as many wives as he chose, to prescribe only four was a limitation, not a license to new oppression. Further, the Qur’an immediately follows the verses giving Muslims the right to take four wives with a qualification which has been taken very seriously. Unless a man is confident that he can be scrupulously fair to all his wives, he must remain monogamous. Muslim law has built on this: A man must spend absolutely the same amount of time with each of his wives, besides treating each wife equally financially and legally, a man must not have the slightest preference for one but must esteem and love them equally. It has been widely agreed in the Islamic world that mere human beings cannot fulfill this (Qur’anic) requirement: it is impossible to show such impartiality and as a result, Muhammad’s qualification, which he need not have made, means no Muslim should really have more than one wife. In countries where polygamy has been forbidden, the authorities have justified this, (innovation) not on secular, but on religious grounds. (Armstrong)
Referring to the above-mentioned discussion forum and engaging in debates with friends on the subject of polygamy, many seem to have the notion that both religious and secular Muslim men nowadays argue their right to several wives on the grounds that they are abiding by and resembling Prophet Muhammad’s (peace be upon him) practices and that they are following his Sunnah. Nevertheless, in the discussion forum, it was made clear by a participant that when Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) took several wives, he only did so after the death of his first wife, and that was the case due to “political” reasons, spreading Islam, and as an agreement between several tribes:
These marriage relationships played a great role in attracting the adamant hearts of those tribesmen, changing their hostility into tender inclinations towards the Prophet and his Message. Brought to the folds of Islam, those tribes became its loyal supporters and devotedly served the Prophet’s cause (religion). They offered as sacrifices their wealth and lives for the domination and victory of Islam. (Al-Delemi)
Nevertheless, it has also been established clearly that polygamy in Islam is practiced as a way of providing means of protection for women who are widowed and in need of financial support, or those who are ill or barren. These special cases can be summarized as follows:
A man who discovers that his wife is barren and who at the same time instinctively aspires to have children and heirs. … In a situation as this, the man would either have to: suffer the deprivation of fatherhood for life; divorce his barren wife and get married to another woman who is not barren. In many cases, neither solution can be considered as the best alternative. Polygamy would have the advantage of preserving the martial relationship without depriving the man of fathering children of his own.
A man whose wife becomes chronically ill would have one of possible alternatives: He may suppress his instinctive sexual needs for the rest of his life; he may divorce his sick wife at the time when she needs his compassion most and get married to another woman, thus legally satisfying his instinctive needs; or he could compromise by keeping his sick wife, and secretly take for himself one or more illicit sex partners. (Badawi)
Social Oppression
When the religious and social paradigms clash, it has been contended that the special cases outlined above are still unjust towards women, as for instance, such an arrangement is not furnished for women who may be married to a man who is sterile. This argument, raised in the discussion forum concerned, laid the ground for feminist arguments to come into play. Also, many reckoned that men use the argument of polygamy as a way to legalize sexual whims. Polygamy should not be seen as a solution or the best of ills when it comes to combating sexual promiscuity, even though it should be stated that no religion, including Islam, permits the practice of sexual promiscuity or having mistresses. Indeed, many can use this as an argument, and Islam, recognizing that, does not do so on that basis:
Islam being against immorality, hypocritical pretense of morality, and against divorce unless no better solution is available, provides for a better alternative which is consistent with human nature and with the preservation of pure and legitimate sex relationships. In a situation like this, it is doubtful that any solution would be better than polygamy, which is, after all, an optional solution. (Badawi)
Feminist Trap
It is only rational and understandable for women to react with such adamant resentment to such an arrangement (a reaction similar to mine!), especially to the way in which the practice of polygamy has taken on arguments from a social perspective, which negate its religious basis. One cannot help but feel that since supposedly polygamy is allowed for men, the stance of “wanting a piece of that cake” as well is argued by some women. However, what should be looked more into is the fact that polygamy is a discretionary arrangement and people have the right to embrace it or not.
The emotional well-being of women feeling subjected to the threat of polygamy should be focused upon, rather than making an argument of “why him and not me?” Regardless, of the many women who have embraced Islam, there is a whole-hearted embracement of such an arrangement. They are coping with polygamy successfully, which makes it more challenging for the feminist paradigm when tackling the issue. In fact, one woman in the discussion forum wrote a book about her experience of polygamy entitled Polygynous Blessings: Musings of a Muslim Wife. The author stated that she was indeed able to come to terms with the situation she was in and overcome the social barriers and popular opinions imposed on the subject.
“I started writing because I wanted people to see the process of one sister trying to cope AND overcome her struggle with polygyny,” said MizAzzez.
“I wanted to make polygyny work in my life. I wanted to be at peace with my polygynous situation and so that is what I strove for. And that is what I got … and I want other sisters to be able to find the peace that I have found.”
Finding Truth
Polygamy is a rich issue that cannot be tackled justly in an article; yet one cannot help but submit to many thoughts after reading the discussion forum concerned. Indeed, polygamy is very restricted in the Qur’an, and it is the intellectualization and abuse of this supposed right by many men in different societies that gave it its bad reputation. Of course a man can never treat women equally, especially on an emotional level, as such a capacity is humanly impossible. However, I cannot help but wonder why polygyny tends to fuel such heated reactions and arguments, and why it has become such accessible bait for luring people into an arena where, unfortunately, the attack ends up being directed to Islam. Islam, like any other religion, is extremely rich and the subject of polygamy is only one small aspect. It is extremely unfair to have polygamy strip the glory and beauty found in Islam.
At the end of the day, no one can claim to own absolute truth or wisdom, and Allah Almighty will judge each human being (with mercy of course) based on their intentions and actions. Is it fair to state that perhaps the intellectualization of polygamy has diverted people from recognizing its simplicity and instead has bloated the subject out of proportion to satisfy a need for the human hunger for acquiring intelligence and truth? Is it possible that polygamy is embraced by women in different societies today? Whether we like it or not, rather than quickly jump into a judgment for or against the subject, it is an experience, like many other different experiences that humans go through in the course of their lives.
–Agencies