Mujtaba Husain (humour)
A non-Hyderabadi friend of mine says that Hyderabad is the largest city of India. When I opposed his statement on the basis of census data he said “you only include those people in the population of Hyderabad city who reside in Hyderabad. You don’t include who are scattered in every corner of the world. When the residents of other cities settle anywhere they become part of that environment forgetting their own identity but a Hyderabadi wherever he dwells is still a Hyderabadi. Thus Hyderabad is seen more in foreign countries than in Hyderabad, this way this city can be declared as the largest city of India.”
I had been to America few years ago and a Pakistani friend of mine had said Hyderabadis inhabit in every corner of America. Pick up a stone and you will find a Hyderabadi coming out saying ‘farshi salam’. Moreover Hyderabadis spend all the day saying salam at all times. I wonder when they do their work. Frankly speaking I too was in the habit of saying ‘salam’ needlessly for a long time. Someone offered water and I said salam. Someone provided me space I said salam. Someone asked my wellbeing and I said salam.
My friend Awtar Singh who is an English journalist was irritated by this habit. He often told ‘you had said salam when I came, why are you irritating me by doing it again and again.’ Often it happened that to put a curb on my superfluous ‘salams’ he took my hands in his, so that I could not ‘commit’ salam’.
He says that Hyderabadis’ salam is not for the sake of wishing wellbeing rather it is salam for the sake of salam, as is the case with respect these days, i.e. respect for the sake of respect.
I remember that after 1956 when majority of my friends left Hyderabad and settled abroad, for 10 to 12 years, I used to keep the record as to which of my friends is settled in which country. But 25 to 30 years ago when the doors of Gulf were suddenly opened and the Hyderabadis flocked to those countries it seemed impossible for me to keep records of them. Moreover I am weak in arithmetic. Then I left my Hyderabadi friends on their own state that they may live happily where they are.
Even today, I don’t know which of my friends stays where. Either he is in Saudi Arabia or in Kuwait, in Qatar or in Dubai, in Muscat or Dammam. Because of confusion in arithmetic I faced a rather interesting situation this time in Muscat. Before leaving for Muscat I tired to remember which of my Hyderabadi friends has settled there. I couldn’t remember. However I only remembered that a Hyderabadi friend of mine Mehdi Ali Khan who is a mechanical engineer stayed in Dubai for years and recently he shifted to Muscat.
My friend on whose invitation I went to Muscat hailed from Uttar Pradesh therefore I told him ‘although there are many Hyderabadi friends in Muscat but there is one Mehdi Ali Khan who has recently settled in Muscat if possible please inform him about my arrival.’
I didn’t know that such a simple wish of mine will upset my 5 day stay in Muscat. My host Humayun Zafar Zaidi at first searched for Hyderabadis in Muscat, then from the list of those Hyderabadis he shortlisted ‘Mehdi Ali Khans’. When I reached Muscat, Humayun said to me ‘you told me about Mehdi Ali khan on phone. I didn’t remember what does your Hyderabadi friend Mehdi Ali Khan do. So I informed all the Hyderabadi Mehdi Ali Khans I found, regarding your arrival. Five Mehdi Ali Khans have been found so far, you can meet whoever is the Mehdi Ali Khan of your use.’
The next day when I was enjoying a deep sleep one Mehdi Ali Khan made a call. I happily said ‘Mehdi Ali Khan, see I have tracked you down. How are you?’
He said, “fine, how are you?’ I said ‘I am very well but you don’t seem well by your voice, your voice sounds hoarse, are you suffering from cold.’
He said, ‘not at all! For the last one year I haven’t suffered from cold or flu.’ Ok let it be. Congratulations on coming to Muscat I am happy that you remembered me.’
After a while I felt that though the person I was talking to is Mehdi Ali Khan but his voice was not of that Mehdi Ali Khan who is my friend.
I said, “Mr. Mehdi Ali Khan we will talk about the cold later, first of all tell me are you not the ‘samdhi’ of my friend Mohammad Mian?’’.
On the other side of the phone Mehdi Ali khan said, ‘what are you talking sir! I am still a bachelor, how can I be a ‘samdhi’ of someone. Nevertheless, in this pretext I had the privilege of talking to you. I will surely come in your function. Khuda hafiz”
Listening to our conversation Humayun said, ‘now one Mehdi Ali Khan has already given you a call, now it’s other four Mehdi Ali Khans’ turn’. I tried to sleep again when the phone bell rang for yet another time. It was another Mehdi Ali Khan, I told Humayun, ‘brother! You deal with this Mehdi Ali Khan; ask him if he is mechanical engineer. If he is, then ask if he is ‘samdhi’ of my friend’.
When Humayun talked to him it was found that he was not mechanical engineer but electrical engineer. Another qualification was that he was my fan and was a regular reader of my articles. He belonged to Chanchalguda. He seemed eager to meet me so I invited him to the function. In short till noon I received phones of all the five Mehdi Ali Khans but no one turned out to be the ‘wanted’ Mehdi Ali Khan. One Mehdi Ali Khan turned out to be a cook in a Muscat hotel. He insisted me to have the food made by him during my stay in Muscat. As he was totally unaware of my humour so I found lot of love and sincerity in his tone. He was happy that the Hyderabad has not only produced good cooks but good humourists too. Anyway, though he couldn’t come to the function but the remaining ‘unwanted’ Mehdi Ali Khans were present at the function. Luckily my friend Mehdi Ali Khan got to know regarding my arrival on the very day of the function and he was also present at the function along with the other four Mehdi Ali Khans. He was quite regretful that I met with ‘unwanted’ Mehdi Ali Khans during his search. Humayun started saying “I knew that there are lots of Hyderabadis in Muscat but I had no idea that among them there are so many Mehdi Ali Khans over here.”
Though I found the actual Mehdi Ali Khan late but it was good for me as all his attention was towards forcing me to eat maximum food in minimum time. One day he took me to an oasis which is located 125 kilometers away from Muscat. It is called ‘nakhl’. Five to six small springs flow in between two to three hills. There are a few date palms also. Here and there some water can also be seen. So the Omani people have made it a picnic spot. The amount of water seeing which people of Muscat become cheerful that much water often flows on our roads in case of damage in water pipelines. Anyway, each one has a different way of being cheerful.
I met several other Hyderabadis in Muscat. Two Hyderabadi friends Dr. Abdul Hai and Idrees Mashhadi came to Muscat airport to receive me. Dr. Abdul Hai (at whose house Yousuf Nazim was staying) is counted among the renowned doctors of Muscat. He is always busy in serving his patients. And on the other side Idrees Mashhadi is originally a Hyderabadi but has settled in Muscat via Bombay. He knows all the Hyderabadi artists, writers and poets. I have been told that one third of the people, who attended humourists’ gathering, comprised of Hyderabadis.
I pray that May the Hyderabadis live happily wherever they live and May they always cherish the memory of Hyderabad in their hearts.
(January 21, 1996)