Jokes

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away, sardar ran to catch the donkey.

He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, ‘Sala tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.

Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai.

Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?

Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”

Mohan & Sohan were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.

Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hai.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..!

Ek Ghar Ke Aage Faqeer Khada Hokar Bola
Faqeer: “Allah Ke Naam Pe Kuch De Do?”
Ghar Ke Andar Se Ladki Aayi Aur Boli.
Ladki: “Kuchh Nahi Hai Baba, Maaf Karo”
Faqeer: “Apna Mobile No. Hi De Do, Baba Dua Bhi Karega Aur Message Bhi“

Train Mein Ek Sadhu Kahin Jaa Raha Tha.
T.T. Ticket Kaat Ta Hua Uske Pass Pahuncha Aur Puchha.
T.T: “Kahan Jaana Ha?”
Sadhu: “Jahaan Raam Ji Ka Janam Hua Tha”
T.T: “Hmm, Ticket Hai?”
Sadhu: “Nahi”
T.T.: “Chalo Fir”
Sadhu Hairani Se: “Kahaan?”
T.T.: “Jahaan Krishan Ji Ka Janam Hua Tha, Jail Mein“

In an interview,
interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
Santa: dhurr dhup dup dup dup..I

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn’t laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

My wife came home last week and shouted excitedly.

“Quick, pack your bags; I’ve won £20 million on the National Lottery”.

“Where are we going” I asked.

She replied what’s this:

“We – just pack your bags and get out you useless man”.

Interviewer: what is your birth date?

Santa: 13th October

Which year?

Santa: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR j

A santa saw a board on which it was written
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.
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” padhne wala stupid”.
santa got irritated and wrote
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“likhan wala stupid”

Satna: Ek bar mere upar se scooter nikal gaya, par fir bhi muje kutch nahi hua.

Banta: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi… Ek bar mere upar se aeroplane nikal gaya, me fir bhi bach gaya.

1st Girl :- Aaj Kal Ke Ladko Ka Koi Aitbar Nahi !!
Main To Ab Uska Mooh Be Nahi Dekhungi
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_
2nd Girl :- Kyon Kya Hua, Tumne Usey Kisi Aur Ladki Ke Sath Dekh Liya ?
_
_
1st Girl :- Nahi Usne Mujhe Kisi Aur Ladke Ke Sath Dekh Liya Hai, Jab Ki Woh Kal Bol Raha Tha Ki Woh Out Of City Ja Raha Hai!!

I told my father that I want a blackberry or an apple.
He replied: Aam ka season hai beta aam kha.

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewer shouts: stop it !
Santa: dhurr dhup dup dup dup..

A Santa Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.
He writes a love letter to the Nurse

“I Love U sister….”

Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn’t do.
Mother: That’s very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn’t do?
Girl: The homework.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of
Water?

Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O

Teacher: What is this?

Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.(from H till O).

SANTA ANSWER MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
Have you heard of our Santa and Banta applying to a medical school to become a doctor?
Needless to say he never made it. You know why?
These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Bacteria – back door to a cafeteria.

Cesarean section – a district in Rome.

Cardiology – advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan – searching for lost kitty.

Chronic – neck of a crow.

Coma – punctuation mark.

Cortisone – area around local court.

Cyst – short for sister.

Diagnosis – person with slanted nose.

Banta: Santa Ji Apko Kabi Kisi se pyar hua?

Santa: Ha yaar! per wo manti hi nahi!

Banta: Kya Kehti hai?

Santa: Kehti hai “I LOVE YOU 2”
pata nahi ye dusra kaun hai?

Santa Driving on the wrong side of Road

&

He become upset

&

said

====SHIT====

Aaj phir late ho gaya…. Saara log wapis jaa Rahe.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “rings”:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Santa: Yesterday the police arrested me for tampering with the ATM.
Banta: What did you do?
Santa: It asked me to enter the PIN and I inserted a safety pin.

Sardar ke bagiche me bahut sare ped the,
Sardar naukar ko bola ped ko pani dal.
Naukar bola saab barish aah raha hai,
Sardar: abe budhu chhatri pakadke dal na!.

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: – Isme aur colour dikhao.